Just another garbage in the bin

Finally!!

After days, in fact months I finally put my mind to rest and gather words to write this. Times have been tough. Love, longing, nostalgia, change have been my soul-mates throughout. Wanderings are plenty but then no answers to be found.

Mind is troubled with troubles that I thought I would ever possess. Dreams have faded, passion is passionless, love is abstract.

I have distanced myself from everyone. Distanced myself from my self.

I should just stop this here!!

Another gibberish piece with utter randomness...

Silent Night

It was the silence of the night. The time of night adorned by the emptiness of the busy road and the darkness of sleeping houses. I was pensive and my music player in shuffle mode played the most desired music at that moment; taking me to a different world helping to gather my thoughts which were scattered in the cacophony of my routine.

It was at this time that I felt loneliness the most. I wanted to think of that someone but none came to my mind. The rational mind works under the brightness of the sun, whereas in the dark you tend to forget your notions and let loose your thoughts to wander in space. It reveals the possibilities that are suppressed. The half lit cigarette was busy fulfilling the physical urge inside me and allowed me to love its company. The creative rush trapped inside me for a very long time gushed out. I saw a bike passing wishing it could take me far far away from present and to a ride that does not end.

It was a momentary bliss which would fade away with sun rise. Sleep that was not ready to set in my eyes and letting go off the distress. As I stared at space wandering, why I was writing this? What meaning does these words make? No one would make any sense of these abstract phrases. Maybe the silence of dawn had this hypnotic effect on me. It was indeed magical and flawless, as as my narration in the play goes, yet, it is fleeting.

I didn't know when will I get this time again so I swayed with this weirdness and enjoyed this lonely company, thinking of nothing, just following the passing time; waiting for the first rays of the sun coming out of the veil of dawn.

FLASH back

13 days have passed by of me completing two decades of my existence on this planet. 20 years of a life that is still searching its meanings and it's goal. The last decade is crystal clear in my mind. The situations, people and all other tangible and intangible factors that have brought the best(and the worst!) in me. Changes have been major and mistakes done are endless. Some decisions taken and others neglected.

Alas! In this post I want to thank all those beautiful people who have stood by me on all odds and given me the much-needed love. I may have lost contact with some or very conveniently distanced myself in order to move on or just have forgotten in the tediousness and self- involved life.

Radhika: I dont even remember when I first met you. But you were the first friend that I ever had in the face of this earth. I am blessed to be still in touch with you.

Meetu and Meenu: I have always considered you as my sisters. As distances grew so did the sisterhood. Hope to meet you someday.

Medha: Classmate in true sense. Play buddies, same school, same class, same section, same school bus and a good samaritan.

Jilly: The phrase 'chaddi buddies' is for us. All the crazy things that we have done and still plan to do defines our friendship. And yes! one day we will have our moms' picture re-invented.

Akash: I don't know how you're name cropped up in my head when I was flashing back. But afterall you are my first 'guy' friend. No wonder I could miss you!

Jeet: With all the information we have gathered through our years of curiosity. It will be put in some good use some day. And ya I still haven't forgotten the fight we had in Sikkim. We still need to sort that out.

Mili, Mampa and others: We need to party harder. And Dil Chahta Hai is still my favourite track during puja pandal hopping.

Kinjal: You brought the notorious side of me. Wonder why our joint study sessions always ended up being dance classes!

Ishani: I considered you the perfect girl and was surprised when I missed you the most when I left school. I never knew I was so closed to you. Sorry for not reciprocating the friendship well.

Pallavi: You were a guardian angel at the most toughest time of my life. You saved me from the loneliness and disillusionment I faced when I joined my new school. It was not only a hand of friendship but also a helping hand to bring me back from the utter hatred I had for the rest of the class.

Madhurima: I don't mind being a lesbian with you. Love you my girlfriend even if you have a boyfriend to take care of.

Nishan: It took us only one year to know each other so well and become best of friends. Try hard, but I will be always hopeless.

Shubhra: Durga and Mahishasur can never be seperated. They share the best camaraderie in the whole wide world.

Parul: With all the eccentric baggage you carry with yourself Paola, I am simply amazed when you talk sense. No wonder you are the next big dangerous thing on earth! And Shu and me would always be your soul bodyguards.

Priyanka: How the hell do you come up with the crappiest of jokes and most sentimental speeches? As we both suffer from dissociative fugue and you with hypochondriasis, we will be in touch forever whatever milestones we cross.

Prabha: My gateway to France, learnt a lot from you.

Anjali, Tanya and Kanika: Will be your Delhi guide always taking you to the rare shores of the sea.

Drishty: I can boast of one artist friend! Pujas in Delhi could have never been better without you. We have to do one dance performance together.

Rick: You have actually made the virtual become real for me. Our friendship would last as long as your girlfriends' list in a lifetime.

Kannagi and Tuhina: My lifelines. What would I've gonna do without you guys! Fighting our ways together through thick and thin.

Prerna: Cannot imagine college without you. We still need to share a lot of clothes.

Anushka, Athira, Piyali: My family to whom I always want to see when I come back home.





Thank You everyone.

Just another year gone by...

A simple facebook application brought my whole year together....2010 was a great year indeed!

February

Had fun going around the city and discovering new places...

The first alone mumbai local ride...swaggering in the streets of bombay...kalaghoda...jehangir art gallery...samovar cafe...symphony orchestra...alyque padamsee...colaba...the trip coild not have been better...

Bankrupt and jobless..

Riya Chakravarty and Akanksha Thapliyal are uncontrollable bastards...muffins over...next target bhel puri...khana khazana has been looted...

March

Mela kahan hai?

Overworked and underpaid...

I am not gifted...but I appreciate art and love music...

Telengana without a political perspective!!...how?

Five petals in the leaf of life...

The scent of coconut trees...the scattered green waters...the boxes on tracks blocking the roads...the underground noise of darkness...i cannot wait to experience this divine beauty...o calcutta!! You have it all...

Time will tell...on Wednesday...

Time had to speak...time had to yell...who can stop time...someday it will tell...

April

Ghar jaana hai..

Khwaja mere khwaja...dil mein samaa ja...remembering Soofi

"Hazaaron khwaishein aisi..ki har khwaish pe dum nikley...bohot nikley mere armaan...lekin phir bhi kum nikley"- Mirza Ghalib

I am technically challenged...please help me!!

One of the desires from my wish list has been fulfilled...had an amazing evening...never thought it will come true so early...

I wish this time can pass a little faster...

Guys...I am coming!

May

The city of joy has never been so joyful...

Ten days in Cal was like a dream...revisiting nostalgia...doing the same crazy stuff...random blabbering...morning walks...sleepovers...a special thanks to all my dear friends who made this dream so beautiful and real...thank you for everything...

"Morning won't come...The mirrors just glum...the cloud outside...loves no one...won't think of anyone...why the sun doesn't come...songs to shower along...not you, not me, no one..."

Working could never be fun unless you get hot chocolate truffle and coffee for free!!

June

Walking through the lanes of Paharganj...keema & paratha at anands in cp...kebabs and ice-cream in Khan Market and going back to khadi...delhi looks more beautiful in this heat...

Missing maushi's chai...

The perfect day for exploring places...eating khichdi and pakodas...and i am sitting in the confines of an artificial cooling office...why?

"My mind becomes dervish...when it rains...rattlinh against all my senses...aching to be set free"

If instrumental classical music had words...I would have made it my status update...

I don't want to leave home...

Pune here I come...

July

A room with dim light and soft music is better than any other place in the world...at times love the loneliness...

Trying to accept certain things...

Have no idea where is my life heading to?

Beaches, birthdays, monsoon and loads of fun...just can't wait...

Back to normal...

Technology hates me as much as I hate technology...

Its so difficult to come to terms with certain things...especially when it is there in front of you all the time...

Its funny to see how things change...

Happy weekend to me...

August

I want to have a house in Greece with white walls and blue windows...

"When the child was a child...it played with enthusiasm...and, now, has just as much excitement as then, but only when it concerns work"- Peter Handke

Jilly we will have the same picture some day like our mums...wearing the same saree...

Lost, confused and uncertain...

The landscape of vocabulary has been hacked down and grubbed up by the dribble of popular culture poisoined by lazy obscenity and infantalized by the youth-obsessed media...

If I ever own a bungalow...it will be in Koregaon Park Lane No.5...

Art attack!!

Rick Castle is addictive!

Have an ice-cube chance in hell...

High on ghar ka khana and midnight ghazals...

September

And we walked walked and walked...

Saturday night...had a nice warm bath...cuddled in my blanket...under the dim light of the lamp listening to jazz...reading...and since wine is an unthinkable option...having beer instead...

Who will be there to listen to ghazals at night with me...who will be there when I enter the room and see you sitting in your chair under the lamp and brainstorming on ideas...who will be there when I act to be queer...who will be there with whom I can talk at length about photography and other interests...who will be there for the dozens of crazy things we do...Kannagi Khanna you mean a lot to me...Miss you woman.

Never thought Pune breathes such a rich historical past...every corner has some story to tell...exploring the city today was so much fun...

These three days were awesome...Pune, Ganpati, Id, alone in the hostel, dangerously silent Viman Nagar, Wanowrie, Prerna Vohra, ghar ka khana, zoo, Ishani, coffee jar, baker's basket, sacred heart, 11th floor and missing the girl gang...

Finally books!!

Nishan Sarkar it will happen someday...

We can go on and on and on for hours and talk about anything and everything...with hostel mates, conversations never have an end...

October

I hate weekends...

Prerna Vohra thinking of considering the ART OF SPORTS genre...everything will be so 'thematically' and 'aesthetically' described in my art piece...also can try for Sports beat of newspaper or the different sports magazine...job prospects look bright till the time the editor kicks me out of the office...

I am happy with the change...

Pune rains please don't ruin my Durga Puja...

These for days were fun...never thought durga puja would be so great...

The waffle...after eight shake....chilling at Prerna's place...the unveiling of my "blonde" side and laughing at the dear sincerely jokes....today was so much fun...

The semester couldn't have been better...college felt like college and things were just right...

November

It feels nice to be back home...

This is possibly the best weather to explore Delhi...but I feel like just chilling at home and do nothing...

Some people should only stay in your imagination and never to be seen...it may be utter disappointment...

Misty mornings...drizzle rains...people rush to work...shops opening for the day...and I trudging along the path...meeting eyes of the random rush...enjoying the winters...a walk in CP is the most peaceful thing you can have before entering the maddening world...

December

Plan A...plan B...Tuhina and Prerna...finally things are coming into place...

With all the plans getting successful to the yeahaws...hellewz...crazy shopping and fish...it was so much fun...

High on work...

Had a great day...walking through nizamuddin basti...lost in the beauty of purana qila and lal darwaza...and evening date with assamese folk dances...

Writers' Bloc

It is very frustrating when for hours you stare at your computer screen with the 'new post' window open and nothing in your head pouring in.

For over a month I have been going through this dilemma; typing out words and then deleting it. What may be the reason?

Have my thoughts exhausted?

or

Too many thoughts, but no structure to it?

Am I not observing things?

or

Observing too many things, to reflect on?

Am I not spending much time with myself?

or

Spending too much time, to give myself a thought?

I don't know how long would this phase haunt me and I lose all the words to design my wanderings.

Afterall, Writers' Bloc is every writer's fear.

Escape

The mind escapes to that time
Where longing was defined by letters
Lovers became poets
and the loved ones, the poem.

The mind escapes to that time
Where pen was mightier than the sword
Handwriting was the identity
and signatures, the final word.

The mind escapes to that time
Where lanterns were the fireflies
Water the Ganges
and the breeze, the fan.

The mind escapes to that time
Where palanquins adorned the streets
Horses caused roars
and steam engines, the smoke.

The mind escapes to that time
Where scriptures were learnt
Books were read
and ink, the source.

Change being constant
Marooned by science
The mind escapes to that time
Where I wish I was ever born.

Lekhani Dekhani

I came across this phrase from a book that I read meaning 'the Readery and Writery'. It was used in reference of a name of an optical shop in a small town in Madhya Pradesh.

Henceforth, I have come up with a new blog of the same name. It is different. It is about my explorations, the books I read, the music I listen to, the plays that I love to attend.

Art and Culture, two words which are synonymous to my identity in the world. I am a maniac. Any play, dance performance, music concert, art exhibitions and bookshop around Pune and Delhi and I try my best to attend it. I find a nostalgic relationship with ancient structures, houses, buildings, antiques, roads, walls, windows, city etc etc etc. I love writing and reading. You would see me sitting in one of my favourite selected corners and reading. I can read anything from fiction to non-fiction, drama to romantic, politics to psychology.

Exploring places also is something I love to do. A day off from college and there I catch a bus and explore one part or the other in Pune. While in Delhi, love to get lost in the busy streets of Old Delhi .

Another interest that I am yet to dwell in more is travelling.I just need a reason to do it, whether alone or in a group.

Thus, the blog is dedicated to my experience, learning and knowledge about my passion and interest. Twenty years on this planet and there have been full of them.

So do check it out...Its the other part of me...

http://lekhanidekhani.blogspot.com/

I Am...

I am...

A girl:

When I relish a pastry with cream all over my face.

A lady:

When I am working on my laptop with a cup of coffee on my table.

A daughter:

When I want ma to be with me when I am ill.

A sister:

When I get those music band posters printed for my brother.

A mother:

When my best friend doesn't feel like going to college and I have to remind her about the attendance.

A friend:

When I make those 'larger than life' plans with friends which will come true some day.

A lover:

When I fantasize about them.

A Goddess:

When I give all the philosophical and spiritual gyan to others but have no takers for it.

A foe:

When I am mean to people and bitch about them at their back.

A dreamer:

When I think about what all things I have to do in my life and work towards it.

A devil:

When I want something bad to happen to that particular person whom I hate at that point of time.

A princess:

When I have the room to myself at night and I curl up under my thick blanket.

A dancer:

When I am performing in front of an audience and I can hear them applaud.

A singer:

When I am humming a tune of my favourite song.

An artist:

When I am scribbling and drawing random patterns in my notebook while a boring lecture is on.

An actor:

When I feel the need to be accepted and pretend.

I am MYSELF when all the above exists in me...

When I am complete.

We all play different roles and I am no different.

Riot

Have to go to the library to issue the Herbert Read book...

Need to do the business model assignment...

I want to have chicken...

He is so damn hot...

Why? Why? Why didn't I opt for DU?

Have to buy fruits...

I want money!!!

Ghar jaana hai...

I'm a gypsy...are you coming with me...

Control...Control...Riya control your mouth...

Now what have I done?

Nijey ke niye r paarina...

What is for dinner?

Have to read the newspaper...

Will I ever go to JNU?

Where is Soofi ji heading today?

Why the hell I am so lazy!!!

Fuck!!!I have gained more weight...

Should I go for a haircut?

Rick Castle I love you!!!

Am I really a pseudo?

When is it going to start?

Atelier's fest!!! I so want to attend it...

What is Sheela upto?

Landmark sale...

Bharat bhraman...

Sham bhi koi...jaise hain nadi...

Love the rains...

Riya concentrate...


Riot of thoughts clouding my head...wandering in vacuum..

Home Sweet Home

It is strange that how we take certain situations and places for granted. They are such an important part of your life but then you don't see it. Home is such a place which comes in this category. One is so secure and comfortable in its confines, that it becomes a way of life. It is when one steps out of its comfort level that one realizes this is the best place that one can ever be.

It is home, where after a long day one can get the best sleep.

It is home, where if ones bored one has thousands of ways to recreate himself/herself.

It is home, where ones tired and needs that one cup of tea to rejuvenate, it is served .

It is home, where when you need people around, mum or dad or sibling are always there to talk to.

It is home, where when hungry at the middle of the night, the kitchen becomes a treasure trove.

It is home, where when you want to eat that one special dish, you don't need to wait for ages to get it.

It is home, where you have two lives- one at home and the other outside home. And they never come together.

It is home, where you don't have to think of washing clothes after a tiring day at work.

It is home, where festivals are celebrated not attended.

It is home, where freedom would at times be limited but never compromised.

It is home, where 24 hrs never seem to reduce to 12 hrs.

It is home, where the mattress is always comfortable and pillows never strain necks.

It is home, where when one is away from it, he/she misses it the most...

The rabbit and the turtle

Once upon a time, there was a rabbit and a turtle. The rabbit was the fastest runner in town. He had won many racing events in his lifetime. On the other hand, the turtle was a lazy, slow runner with no past records. Through test of times, both the animals faced each other and were competing against each other.

Both the rabbit and the turtle took their positions and the referee called out, "On your mark" and whistle. Off the rabbit ran and the tortoise swaggered. The rabbit was consistent in his speed and ran and ran towards the finishing line.

In this course, the turtle suddenly stopped, miles behind the rabbit, trying to catch up breath. The reason? He was waiting for his dad to get the shiny silver spoon with the magical potion of success.

The rabbit upon being only 10 metres away from the finishing line looks back to check the tortoise in any way near to him. But the turtle was no where to be seen. "My win is not far.", he thought and started running faster.

Upon reaching the finishing line with his eyes closed, he exclaimed, "Yes! I am the champion." But then, as he came face to face with reality, he realised that there was no rope when he crossed the line , the referee is nowhere to be seen. Then his eyes spotted a crowd cheering, jumping and yelling, "Hip Hip Hurray!". He walked towards the mob and saw the tortoise standing in the 1st position with the cup in his hand and the silver spoon in his mouth. The rabbit disheartened, left.

Moral: And still we think, 'slow and steady wins the race.'

The Perfect Night

There are certain days(rather nights) when you just let go off the present situation and relax. For me tonight is the time. Caught in a "fragile" web of competition and surfing every possible information on the internet in pursuit to keep up with fellow 'specialisation' mates, tonight I let go off all these inhibitions.

The monsoon rains pouring outside. Alone in the room. Soft music playing in the background. The dim light of the lamp sets the perfect mood for this special evening. My Jane Eyre is half-open, waiting to be read. The movie that I just enjoyed watching was brilliant. Thinking of how times change but in all this evolutionary events, I am the constant factor.

The song in the background talks about this distant star which shines alone in the night sky and grabs all the attention. The singer is mesmerized and jealous, at the same time and asks the star how can it steal the night's beauty and take all the pride? I wish I could describe the smile that I have on my face listening to it. I never enjoyed the song at other times, but at this point the lyrics are beautiful.

The classic I am reading took an adverse turn. I so wanted Jane and Mr. Rochester to get married and live happily ever after like the Grimm's fairy tales. But then it is more close to real life. Jane is standing at the crossroads of her life unknowing what the future has in store for her.

Finally, I don't know why I am writing this post. The flickering blue light of the laptop urged me to write something and I typed the words. Also, my friend exclaimed today of how I lack the avidity of a writer as I don't write about anything and everything. As other reality bites, even this remark hurts.

All said and done. It's a perfect candid night with a complete mood mutation.

Rock Paper Scissors...Situation IX

The game has taken a complete twist...One of the elements is no more an inseperable part of the two...It can exist isolated (but its not the other way round)...But the show must go on...The thumb clicks are made and situation still shouts "Rock Paper Scissors CUT" and a score is made.

Rock
Metamorphosed to a new being.

Paper
Accepted the new scribbles. But still views them as errors.

Scissors
Sharpening it's reach.

Artistes, Creators

What is in an artiste's mind
No one ever knows.

Why Picasso's cubes
or
Matisse's sunlight?

Why Hussain's horses
or
Raza's patterns?

Why Kahlo's self-portraits
or
Shergill's women?

The oceans of fantasy
The sea of inspiration
The spray of colours
The love for women

What is in it's creator's mind
No one ever knows.

Nostalgia Re-visited

Four years. It had been after four years that I visited the place where I have spent the most beautiful moments of my life. Re-visited those avenues that were an important part of my childhood.

Nothing has changed. Except my childhood friends are older and (im)mature.

Nothing has changed. Except this time,we didn't play Hide & Seek or talk about our school homework.

Nothing has changed. Except a mall has come up in place of the huge abandoned mill that always was a sight of darkness and gloom.

Nothing has changed. Except the unknown additions in my small group of friends.

Nothing has changed. Except the fact that I have CHANGED.

As I see the sun setting...

O setting sun,

How has your day been?

Do you like the mountains or the seas?

Do you like the stars or the creatures down below?

How is it?

When the moon takes your glory at night?

When you hide in the hills and we search your light?

I become prudent

Seeing you hide behind the faraway mountains

Enjoying the cool breeze that welcomes the night.

Wonder why I like darkness?

Wonder why I want to hide in your veil?

O setting sun

Tell me all about yourself

As I sit , ready to give my ear to you

O setting sun,

Please tell me

How has your day been?

Nostalgia Re-visited

Walking down the memory lane with my dslr and childhood friends. Kolkata, where I have my childhood preserved, this ones for you...

The window to the city blurred by the summer rain...

The much awaited rains...

The sun rising from its tallest towers...

The Victoria Album

the morning Victoria

the British pride...

The Queen's pride...

Her Victoria...

pherari mon...

the lover's Victoria...

The City

It still stands tall...

the morning roads...

the bhad cha

the big yellow taxi...

an artists' anonymity...

banglar pran...

Banglar maan...

city food..

Ray's Calcutta...

Mahanagar...

time never changes...

Intellect never changes...

the old New Empire...

The only change...

the only change....

the old New Market...

Bangla heritage...

its the same...

the treasure house...

O Ganga behti ho kyun?

Tagore's Bangla...

Sonar Bangla...