Wandering Part V

"Why is happiness coupled with sorrow, achievement with failure, love with hatred, peace with violence?

Ma says- 'It's all balancing beta.'

Is it? "

I listen to music and wander.

Life and Death...

It's 11.30 in the morning. The Delhi sky still seems as if its still dawn and the weather is cold. The fish in my aquarium is dying. He is counting his last breath. My 1 day old friend is no more revolving around the aquarium like it was doing yesterday. The other fish is pushing him to play but he is not responding. I gave him food but he did not run to the surface to grab the tiny balls. His tail does not have the beautiful jet shape. It is falling. He is not swimming but floating in water as if waiting for death. Why is death so scary? My heart is beating fast. I can't lose my new friend. I am so helpless. How can someone's life cycle be so short? He has to achieve a lot before leaving this world. He has to win against the other fish who troubles him all the time, steals his food. He can't just leave being so quiet and tolerating others.

As I am wandering, the cell phone vibrates. It brings me to the present moment of noise which is coming from outside. I pick up the phone and my friend with a heavy voice exclaims-

"Riya, there is a bad news. XYZ's dad is no more."

I sit in shock staring at the dying fish. He moves a little showing a ray of life, but finally succumbs to death. I remember my friend talking about his father- how he loved travelling, about his books, how he has influenced his life. And today it's all over. Or maybe he will carry his father's legacy forward and make him immortal in his life and in the lives of the people around him.

Oh! I almost forgot. It's my friend's birthday today. I have to call her as she celebrates 21 years of her life.

Life and Death...It is such a complicated mess...

Rock Paper Scissors...Situation VI

Rock

Coming to terms with age old addictions and the numbness shown by its support elements...

Paper

Realising its weaknesses and trying to erase it...

Scissors

Giving no clues on the next surface its going to cut...

Letter from a daughter to her father...

Dear Dad,
Whenever I was low or cribbed about the little things around me, you often told me about the big bad world. The BIG BAD WORLD which I would be a part of, when I will be old enough to deal with it. The big bad world which was inescapable; which I was always scared of and tried to avoid it. But today I have realized that I have finally succumbed to this hell.

This world is worst than you had explained me. Here people have to be judged before lending a hand for friendship, justifications are to be given for falling in love and one has to prove itself in each and every sphere of situations. Here perceptions are not accepted, rather they are judged.Competitions are a significant part of this world. "Honesty is the best policy" does not hold anymore. Honesty has taken many forms; it is manipulative. Morality is questioned now and then. Standing for one's right is bravery, a rebellion whereas fighting the inner battle is self-obsession, introversion. In this world, some people have all the power to ruin other's lives. Being yourself is being rude while showing fake kindness is being the most nicest person on earth. If somebody sympathisizes at one's problem, they are meant to be his/her true friends while criticizing and pointing someone's negatives are meant to be their foes. Its a world where one's dressing and gestures defines an individual's sexual orientation and the thin line between the orientations is blurred.

Dad, I am still not ready for this world. I have been running away from it but at the same time wanted to be a part of it (you know my intriguing nature). But I promise I will find my way through this maze. I will overcome this hell. You will be proud of me and pat my back. Just pray to give me the strength to fight it.

Your
Ranibeti

Wandering Part IV

"People are like inns in a highway where you take rest for sometime and then go on your own way. At times some inns provide bad service and you feel uncomfortable. Those are the ones who hurt you in life. Who not even for sometime make you happy. Forget them!! We humans are born to grow up with time. There are two sides to a coin. So take the best lesson from it and drain the rest. Thats what we are here for."

I wander while waiting for a friend in some corner of the college...

Happenings

Why this happens to me
I never know
Trying to find the reasons
But they never show.

At times,
Rain is happiness
At times, it is sorrow
At times, things go fine
At times, just bad

Feelings take a different turn
Thoughts just don't seem to stop
Perceptions change with time
Visions grow whenever
Aspirations are high

Why this happens to me
I never know
Trying to find the reasons
But they never show.

Wandering Part III

We don't need to worry about things around us. Let them occur the way it is supposed to be. Why would they influence our lives? Its our life and nobody has the right to influence it except oneself.

I gaze at the revolving fan and wander...

Wandering Part II

"The difference between people living in big cities and small towns is that the people in former setting have no time for themselves. They are busy thinking about what others think about them and how can they face the competition in all spheres of life. On the other hand, people from smaller cities have time for themselves. They think about their dreams, ambitions and what THEY want to do irrespective of what others think. Strange but true."

I observe and I wander...

A Thought

I am disturbed by a thought
A thought that has no base
A thought that has no bounds
A thought
That the mind cannot get rid of

Its a thought
That has led to many thoughts
I try to erase it
I try to divert it

The thought taunts me
Makes fun of my failure
To overcome it

It haunts me
Deprives me of my happiness
I am disturbed by the thought
Save me from it

Dear thought,
What have I done to you?
Why are you after me
Leave me alone
Don't overshadow my musings
I want to live
I want to breathe


But
The thought still kills me
Keeps me hollow from inside
Takes me away from emotions

Please help me,
I am disturbed by a thought
A thought that has no base
A thought that has no bounds.

Wanderings...

Often I have random thoughts which makes me see life in a different light. These are realizations which doom me...makes me wander more...makes me understand the implications of life...

So here I wander-

"I hate nostalgia. It is the proof that there are so many beautiful moments that someone's missing. How we are slaves to time. It passes so fast that it is so difficult to catch up on it. It is like sand in the hand which slips however you want to hold it."

Rock Paper Scissors Situation V

Rock
Amidst beauty and the beast

Paper
Relaxing and running away from monotony

Scissors
Procrastinating

Rock Paper Scissors Situation IV

They are away from each other. A foreign disease have led them apart. But thy are still playing the game and dominating each others life.

Rock
In her mother's lap...Enjoying being away from the hustle and bustle of the life she so at times does not want to be a part of...

Paper
Just drifted away from a new destination...Loved her short stay there(courtesy Scissors)...But right now focussing on the scribbles on her surface...

Scissors
Is clear on where to cut her own as well as others thoughts...But at times trying to connect to a wrong element which Rock and Paper may dislike...

The Hidden World...

CALCUTTA DELHI PUNE

DELHI PUNE CALCUTTA

PUNE CALCUTTA DELHI

Which place do I belong? The place where I have spent the most of my life...or...The place where I was born and presently living...or...The place which has given me the space to indulge in my interests.
Where do I belong?

CALCUTTA

DELHI

PUNE

Alas, I belong to my own world...My own utopia which has been there all my life...Which has no topographical or physical boundaries...Where my thoughts are accepted...Where I am not questioned the way I am...I am the queen of this world...This world defines all my notions and beliefs even if they are baseless...This is the world I belong to...

Thus, I wander in this world of my own...

Who am I?

I wander if I ever have to frame a character sketch of myself, how would it be? What would I write about myself? How would I define myself? Its quite surprising that how we have opinions and views about others but when it comes to ourselves, we are clueless. We become judgemental, try to come to terms with our weaknesses and conceal our shortcomings.

We are scared of the 'I am' quotient, scared to confront the dualities of our lives, scared to be asked "Who am I?"

Scissors Paper Rock...Situation III

This time the game has turned tables. Its not Rock Paper Scissors. But the other way round.The three elements are in battleground. Coming to terms with each other...

Scissors
Searching a steady ground and trying to unravel the situation to find the hidden meaning.

Paper
Can sense the strings are breaking slowly. Wondering whats going wrong? Can things be the same as before?

Rock
She is an inseperable part of the game. Don't back out. Things would turn worse. And she knows it.

Comfortably Numb

This is not the famous Pink Floyd song but the present state of mind I am going through. I AM COMFORTABLY NUMB. Numb to what people say, numb to what people think, numb to what they are doing, numb to their cries, their cribbing about the things around them, numb to what they think about me. I am numb.

Others may disapprove, it maybe a blow to my social life. I don't care. This may seem as a confession or a hate entry on the entire human community that I am a part of or just a 19 year old wannabe who is throwing her 'I don't care' attitude on everyone. But I like this state of denial which I am suffering. It maybe short term but I love it. I am what I am. I don't want to be accepted neither want to accept anyone.

I am living in the 'me' mode, in my own personal space in which I don’t allow anyone to enter. I am in the trance of myself. It may sound as some Paolo Coelho book but that’s how I feel. I am COMFORTABLY NUMB.

The Anonymity of the Unknown...

As I again go to my introspection mode...

This time thinking about people. In my 19 years of life if I think of the number of faces I have come across, damn I would never be able to count it. People with strange facial features, absolutely different personalities, different thought processes and what my advertising prof said- "specifically defined" individuals.

When I walk from my hostel to college everyday, I come across certain "specifically defined" beings, who don't matter anything to me. There are some random acquaintances who I meet everyday yet I would never speak to them or never have any kind of association. Despite any connection with them I do share a certain bonding with them.

When I move out of the hostel, I know there would be some prototypes that I would come across. Just like the kid playing with his ball and the autowallahs waiting to get a customer and ask for lumpsome travelling charges. Then as I walk further and reach the busy streets, I am used to see the lady at 'Rasoi' dhaba serving hot parathas to the home food deprived hoggers, the two friends sitting in the roadside restaurant in their usual corner seat and having gupshup over snacks and not to forget the 'once upon a time' fauji who is now a lunatic swaggering with his typical army air in his style and the guy with everything Indianised and an intriguing panache walking alone in the road with no care and worries on his shoulders [ that what it seems through his walk].

We have our friends, relatives,'known' acquaintances but these are the people who cannot be categorised in any personal chronology. They are persistence of vision and mind which are seen and forgotten and never to be remembered once away from site.
These are the people who in their random nuances and at times the nano moments of eye contact which I often have with them are the ones who are constant in my dynamic rather monotonous life.

It Was Just Yesterday

It seems it was just yesterday
When I started my school
With dad dropping me to my play school
And I
Looking at him with tears in eyes
As if which scaryland is he leaving me.

It seems it was just yesterday
When I stepped in a film theatre
For the first time
Holding mumma's hand
Crying when
The hero dies in the end.

It seems it was just yesterday
When I took my little brother
In my arms
And thought it to be
Another doll that I possess.

It seems it was just yesterday
When I ate handful of salt
And got frightened
That I may turn a cow
As said by my granny.

It seems it was just yesterday
When I left Delhi
And set off to the city of joy
Unknown of
That it would turn my life upside down.

It seems it was just yesterday
When I met my first friend
And believed
We would be together
All our life.

It seems it was just yesterday
When I had my stage performance
With hundreds of eyes
Scanning me
From head to toe.

It seems it was just yesterday
when I felt a strange feeling
Towards a stranger
Spending days and nights
Thinking about him.

It seems it was just yesterday
When I passed 10th grade
And had my first confrontation
With tension and anxiety.

It seems it was just yesterday
When I came back to the capital city
Trying to adjust with
The culture shock
And diverse circumstances.

It seems it was just yesterday
When I joined college
And finally had a taste of
Living away from home
And enjoying my independence days.

And here comes today
When I sit alone
And wander
The evolution of my yesterday.

Rock Paper Scissors...Situation II

They are back together...Caught in the webs of their own world yet inseperable to others web...

Rock
Tired of being rubbed against Scissor's action....Vented out as a melted rock....


Paper
Recycled yet crumpled and scribbled with circumstances, it is unable to resolve....


Scissors
Coming to terms with itself and with its support elements...

College Life- Season 2

A year in college has passed.

15 June 2009, Monday begins the 2nd year in college. Taking college to be a sit-com what are the new features and the unchanged stories that would be seen-

College Life
Season 2

*ing

• The same old 130 students reaching new levels of maturity (or immaturity)
• Introducing the new batch of 130 students ready to experience the Roller Coaster ride.
• The 3 faculty members and some additions (if rumors are to be believed)

Catch the new season of College Life with brand new episodes with old characters back to action and new 130 characters taking a plunge in the world of confusion, love, hate, distress, fun and all that jazz that happens in Symbiosis Institute of Media and Communication.


Coming Soon in the lives of Simcians....

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